


Oh, let's go back to the start

by maf21bcn



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Heartbreak, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:12:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maf21bcn/pseuds/maf21bcn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after 4x01 but just goes somewhere else from there. </p><p>After Cath’s rescue, Danny goes home to Gabby and finds himself unable to sleep, haunted by dreams of his partner protecting and loving Cath the way Danny wants to be loved.<br/>Cue the realization, the angst and the tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nobody said it was easy

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first McDanno fic ever, and it's probably not as good as I'd like.  
> Also it's unbetaed, and English is not my mother tongue so, sorry for any mistakes.  
> If you find them or find any inaccuracy, please, let me know!
> 
> I’m working on the next chapter so, if you like this bit, feedback would be appreciated. :)  
> Also, this will get better. I’m planning on a happy ending. I love them and I love McDanno, so…
> 
> Title: from “The Scientist” by Coldplay.

3:23 am. 

“Palindrome”.

That was the first thought Danny had when he turned his head to look at the alarm clock sitting on his bedside table.

3.23 am. He was awake again, fidgeting between the sheets after the dream that had woken him up. A dream he knew was better not to recall. A dream about strong hands and big tattooed arms that weren’t holding him; about broad shoulders protecting a female body; about his own heart breaking at the sight.

He turn his head to the other side of the bed and saw Gabby sleeping soundly, face relaxed, hair cascading on the pillow, completely unaware of his inner turmoil.

“I’ll better get up” thought Danny not wanting to stay in bed, where shreds of the dream still laid on his side of the mattress. Making his way to the door, and through the house until he reached the sofa and sat down, staring at the black center of the TV screen.

“What the hell is wrong with me?” wondered the blonde running his hands through his hair and making even more of a mess of it, “I have a wonderful woman in my bed, a woman that left a good opportunity to come back to me, a woman that likes to be with Grace, that loves to be with me. A beautiful, intelligent woman that finds me funny and charming. And I can’t even say the words, the big L-word. And I can’t…”  
Danny sighed and rested his head on the back of the sofa, staring at the ceiling.  
“That’s not even the worst part”, he thought.  
“The worst part is that I’m going insane. I knew that this would happen. I didn’t want to admit it, though. When Gabby told me that she wasn’t coming back… I didn’t even feel as bad as I should. I… I was almost a bit relieved that it had ended that way. After all, I thought it could have gone even worse. Maybe she would have guessed… Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to hide…”

Sitting up with his elbows resting on his knees, he hid his face in his hands.  
“I am back at the start. Gabby is here with me and I have to hide… all of this. The dreams, the looks, the way he takes my breath away like Gabby never did. Like she never will. But, how? How am I supposed to hide this? She will find out, sooner or later. And what is worse, HE will find out too”.

Feeling his heart beating faster and his brain starting to panic at the thought of his partner, his friend, finding out about the feelings that had been growing steadily since the day Steve had gone, dressed in blues, to Meka’s funeral and had said ‘I know you’ to Danny, putting so much more in those words, saying so many things with just a glance…

But what if all that was part of Danny’s infatuation? What if it was just something his own altered mind had built up?  
Wasn’t Steve’s reaction to Cath being kidnapped proof enough of his feelings for her? Wasn’t the way Steve had hugged her and kissed her when they found her, proof enough? What was he going to do? How was he going to face days, months, or even years of partnership, of friendship, witnessing Steve caring about Cath, loving her, sharing her life, maybe even building a home with her, the way Danny wanted Steve to share with him, instead of her?

Danny felt a knot forming in his throat, his cheeks burning and his eyes watering at the thought of being just a mere actor with a supporting role in Steve’s life and not the leading one.

“This is so fucked up! I should go to bed, wake Gabby, make love to her, tell her that I love her… I… I need to, I need to stop thinking about Steve, stop dreaming about him, stop seeing signals that he feels this too… I need to stop. I need… God! I need Steve. I need him to love me back. I need him here, every day, in my life, being more than just a partner, or a friend…” thought Danny as the tears started rolling down his cheeks and his hand covered his mouth trying not to sob like a child.

\- “Are you ok, Danny?”, whispered a soft voice at his back.

Danny jumped from his seat, almost hitting the coffee table with his leg, and turning around to see Gabby, looking beautiful and almost ethereal in the moonlight, staring at him with her mouth opened and a look of worry in her eyes.

\- “I… yes! Yeah, I’m… I’m fine… just… Couldn’t sleep. Too many emotions today”, said Danny looking everywhere but her face, unable to stand the weight of her worry.  
\- Come on, Danny. I know you are not okay. You’ve been crying”, said her making her way to the front of the sofa, getting closer, hand stretched to caress Danny’s cheek, - “You know you can talk to me. I’m here if you need me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

And she was there, touching him, so soft, so caring, looking so strong and vulnerable at the same time, that Danny couldn’t stand it anymore and hugged her, burying his face in the crook of her neck and repeating, once and again, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, babe. Forgive me. I’m so sorry…” between sobs.

Gabby, hugging him tight, shushing him, burying her fingers in the back of his head, tried to calm him down whispering soothing words and saying “It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay, Danny. It’ll be okay…”, and the more she said those words, the more he cried, holding on to her, because how in the world could things be okay? 

How was she going to forgive him for falling in love with someone else? How was she going to accept that he was in love with his best friend and not her? And, even worse, how was he going to survive being part of Steve’s ohana and seeing him with Cath all the time? 

How was his life going to be okay, ever again?


	2. It's such a shame for us to part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny knows he has to stop lying to himself. He knows he has to stop lying to Gabby.  
> She deserves better than that. Is it necessary to tell her the reason why they can’t be together anymore, though?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a bit longer than I hoped to upload this but... already working on chapter 3.  
> Feedback will be very appreciated, so please, let me know what you think.
> 
> P.S: To those of you who left Kudos and Comments on Chapter 1, thank you very much! I hope this doesn't dissapoint!  
> P.S.2: I plan on using some parts of the canon from 4x02 and following episodes, just so you know.

Danny had no idea how long he had been desperately clutching at Gabby’s sleeping gown, hiding in her embrace, crying and letting her soothe him until he could almost breathe normally again and not be sobbing like a child. He only knew that the more time went by with his numb hands holding onto Gabby, the more he was feeling worse, like he was taking advantage of her kindness, and her love.

He knew he had to stop, unclench his hands and take a step back, letting Gabby go, not only in a literal way but in an emotional one, letting her get over him and find peace and love somewhere else, far away from him and his messed up world.

The thing is that he didn't know how to do it.

He still loved her, in some way, but not the way you are supposed to love the person you are sharing your life with. He knew his feelings for her weren’t even close to what he used to feel when he was married to Rachel.  
With Gabby, it was more the way you love a friend, someone you trust and care about, but nothing more than that.  
The way he felt for her was the way he wanted to feel for Steve, the way he had tried to convince himself for so long that was all he was feeling for his partner, just to have all his defenses crumble under the sheer force of nature that the ex-Navy SEAL is.

He also knew how unfair these thoughts were to her, the woman that was still holding him, trying to be understanding, even if it had to make no sense to her that her boyfriend was out of bed at almost 4 am, crying like a baby.

He had to stop it and he had to do it right then and there.

\- Gabby… - he said, taking a step back and opening some space between them. – We need to talk. -

\- Okay. Let’s… Let’s sit down and you can tell me what’s wrong. – she replied with an already sad look on her face, like if the words he had just said, and “oh! How cliché of me to say that”, thought Danny, had given her some clue about what was going on.

They sat on the sofa, Danny facing the silent TV screen, Gabby facing him. The change of positions had given him some space, enough of it to not be touching her except for the hand she had placed on his thigh, calming, but also urging him to start the conversation.

\- Gabby, I… I don’t even know where to start…

She waited for him to continue but, as he couldn’t find the words, she talked.

\- I know something is wrong. I knew when you came home. Maybe, I knew even longer… What’s going on, Danny? Is it something at work?

Danny, knowing his throat was closed and no sound would be able to come out from it, shaked his head for a second but then nodded.  
\- Is it a case? 

Danny shaked his head again. 

\- Then, problems with the team? Steve?

Danny was about to nod again when he thought that his behaviour was being ridiculous so, he turned to Gabby, held her hand in his, took a deep breath and started talking.

\- Babe, I… It's not... I want to be honest with you. I... I’ve been thinking about us lately, about where this… - he said pointing between them, - is going, about the sacrifices you’ve made to be here with me. No, please, - continued Danny raising his hand when he saw Gabby opening her mouth to protest, - I know what you’ve done, and I want you to know that I’m grateful for that, I’m happy to know that you love me and you would choose being with me over being away, but… making you choose me over a once in a lifetime opportunity for you? No, that’s just wrong.

He paused to take a deep breath and bring her hand closer to his face, turning his head to kiss her palm.

\- I can’t let that happen, Gabby. - he finished, looking in her eyes for the first time, feeling a bit stronger, a bit more sure with each word. - You are an amazing woman and you deserve better than this.

He saw her eyes watering and raised his hand to caress her cheek.

\- Danny… we talked about this. I, you know that I want to be with you… I came back. I want to be here with you. I can work here and have a good life with what Hawaii has to offer me. We, we don’t have to do this. Unless…

She paused, taking her hand away from Danny’s, and placing both on her lap. Looking at them, she sighed and continued.

\- Unless… you are in love with someone else? -. Her tone was unsure, as if she still wanted to believe that that wasn’t the case.

Danny wasn’t sure about what to do. He knew this was the perfect chance to tell her the truth, to let her go.

\- I… Yes. Maybe. Maybe there is someone else. Not there. Not… really. But someone I may think about as something more than just a friend.

\- Steve… - whispered Gabby, - It’s him, isn’t it? - she asked, looking at him, shyly through her wet eyelashes. He couldn’t do anything else than nod and look at her trembling hands, folded in her lap.

\- I think that, somehow, I always knew. - started Gabby with a soft voice. - The way you act around each other, the way you care and, most of all… the way you look at him. I think, I always knew…

Danny looked at her face and saw the tears running down her cheeks. He raised his hand and dried one of them with the tip of his thumb, then sighed and leant in to hug her, whispering in her ear, - I’m so sorry, Gabby. I wish things were different. Please, you must believe me. I wish I had never hurt you. I wish I didn’t feel the way I do, but… I can’t help it.

\- No. - said she, clutching onto him, - don’t be sorry, Danny. We… we’re friends. We’ve been from the start. And that’s okay. You were already in love. I know that now, but somehow I always knew… - she started sobbing then, burying her face in his neck, shaking in his arms. 

He couldn’t help but cry with her, cry for the pain they both were feeling. Cry for what they could have been if this wouldn't have been their life, if they had lived in a different time and place. A time and place where his heart and mind hadn’t completely surrendered and fallen in love with Steve.


	3. No one ever said it would be this hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both know it's over.  
> Gabby and Danny agree to go their separate ways.  
> What will happen when Steve finds out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this one, is a bit longer than the previous two.  
> Hope I got this right. 
> 
> A bit more of angst.  
> But there will be a happy ending.  
> I promise!
> 
> Again, English is not my mother tongue so if you find any mistake, let me know! :)

After what seemed like a lifetime, Gabby relaxed in his embrace, sobbing quietly and breathing softly. Just a couple of minutes later she let go of him and sat back, straightening her posture, and erasing the trails of tears from her cheeks with her right hand. She was looking everywhere but at Danny, until she took a deep breath and directed her now red and puffy eyes at him.

Danny felt guilty, so much that he couldn’t even take the weight of her gaze, and looked at his lap and the inch separating her right knee from his left.  
Gabby, raised her hand and lifted his chin until he was looking at her in the eye, showing her the most broken and sad look she had ever seen in his face.

\- Danny… My Danny… - she sighed, bitterly - Everything will be okay. I know. We both will be. And we will be friends. Maybe… maybe not right now, though. I, I think I need sometime on my own, just… figuring things out? But, someday, Danny. - she smiled, softly. - Sooner than you believe, everything will be fine. As it was before, or even better.

Danny didn’t even know what to say to that. How could he tell her that he knew things would never be okay again, he knew that he would never be able to tell Steve about his feelings, that it would kill him to see his partner sharing his life with someone else? How could he tell Gabby everything about his uncertainty, about his heartbreaking, and his hopeless future, when he had just broken her heart? He couldn’t. That’s why he used the easiest way out, nodding and saying, - Yes. Yes. Sure. I’m sure we will be fine.

He saw the sadness and the pity in her eyes. She could also see that his future was about to become a black hole of epic proportions, no place for hope or love in the long run. She knew as well as he did, didn’t she?

\- Oh, Danny… you are so wrong, baby. So wrong... - she told him, as if he had said the words out loud. - You think that things will be like this, forever? That you will always feel this sad and lost? Oh, my poor clueless Detective Williams! If only you could see the things I see, the things I’ve seen, since we met for the first time…

\- What things? There’s… There’s nothing to see there, Gabby. Nothing, for me, there. At least, not more than partnership and friendship. That’s all there is.

\- Well, I won’t insist, Danny, cause this is something you have to see yourself. No matter what I say. I hope that someday you believe what you see, and can find the happiness you deserve. - then, she stood up with her usual grace and said, - We should try to sleep now. - and with an uncertain look in her eyes she asked, - Do you mind if I stay? if I… if we sleep in the same bed, tonight? Tomorrow, I can pack my things and take them home... I don’t feel like doing anything like that now. It’s… almost 5 in the morning. We should sleep, if… if you don’t mind.

\- Are you really asking me to stay, Gabby? - said Danny, standing up and getting closer to her, - Of course you can stay, and of course I will help you packing tomorrow. But, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I… I can stay here, take the sofa. It’s okay. You’ll be more comfortable if we don’t… if I’m not there. - he finished, moving his hand in the general direction of the bedroom, a gesture closer to his usual self.

Gabby looked at him, and he could find a mix of pure fondness and sadness in her eyes. She smiled softly, took his hand and started walking towards the bedroom.

\- No, Danny. I want you there, beside me. I want us to hold each other, to protect each other from the cold, when the dawn breaks. We will go through this night, through this pain, together, and we will wake up to find a loving friend, taking care of us. Then, we will have breakfast and will see what we do next. Okay?

And Danny, lacing their fingers together, just said, - Okay.

\---------- *** ----------

He came through the back door carrying two empty boxes he had used the last few times he had moved, to find someone pounding on the front door and Gabby coming out from the bedroom carrying some of the spare clothes that had been invading Danny's closet in the past weeks. 

They looked at each other in confusion, traces of last nights sadness still lingering in their tired faces.  
No one was supposed to be bothering them, today. 

The moment they woke up, Gabby had gone to the bathroom to take a shower and Danny had gone to the kitchen, to make some coffee to face the day.  
Waiting for the coffee machine to work its magic, he had sent a text to Chin telling him he had had an awful night and couldn't make it to work and, please, just call him if something big came up.

Danny was sure that if that was the case, Chin would have called first and wouldn't be about to knock the front door down.

He was putting the boxes down on the coffee table when the pounding stopped and he heard the shouting.

\- Danny! Open the door! I know you’re there. The camaro is on the driveway and Chin told me you weren't feeling fine. Come on, open the door. Don't make me knock it down!

Steve. It had to be Steve.

Danny and Gabby looked at each other, for a second, and she nodded, in an attempt to encourage him to answer the door.

\- Ok. I'm coming, you animal! Stop now with the pounding. You're gonna tear the whole house down!, - said Danny, finally opening it and finding Steve with his fist raised, ready to strike again.

There was Steve with his "you-made-me-worry-about-you-why-would-you-do-that?" face, that, just after a quick overall glance at Danny, at his shorts and worn out t-shirt, at his ruffled hair, at the dark circles under his eyes, morphed into "you-look-like-hell-what-happened-and-why-did-no-one-informed-me-about-this-before?" face.

\- Eh... Hi. So, how are you? What happened? You ok? Chin told me you weren't feeling fine and I, I just wanted to check. Anything you need? - said Steve as he stormed inside and stop dead in his tracks when he saw Gabby. - Oh, Gabby! Hi! How are you doin’?

\- Fine. I’m fine. - then, she turned to Danny and said, - I better get going, Danny. Do you mind if I grab my things later? - she had made her way to the door while talking, and was now standing in front of Danny, who hadn't moved from the doorway and still had a hand holding the door opened.

\- Yes, yes. Sure. 

\- Ok. Talk to you later, then. - answered she, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, - Goodbye, Steve. - said looking at him, - It's been nice to see you. - and she turned and left the house.

Danny , closed the door and stayed there, holding the door knob in his hand and staring at the door frame, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do now, but he had no chance to think longer as he heard someone fidgeting at his back.

Oh, yes. Of course. Steve. Steve, right there, in the middle of this mess, just to make Danny's life easier. As if this could get any worse.

Danny sighed and turned around in time to see Steve looking at the boxes on the coffee table, and the clothes on the sofa.

\- Is Gabby moving in with you? - Steve asked him.

\- Err… no. No. 

\- What? Are you moving with her, then? I thought you liked this house, Danno - said Steve with a shocked face.

\- No, Steve. Actually, Gabrielle was picking up her things and I was going to help her moving them back to her apartment. - answered Danny and sighed, replacing Gabby’s clothes to sit down on the sofa, resting his elbows on top of his knees and burying his face in his hands.

\- Wait! What? What are you talking about? Why would Gabby take her things away?

\- Well, Steven, that’s what normal people do after a breakup. They pick up everything they had on the other person’s place and take them back. If you were better at mammal to mammal interaction you would already know. To be honest, I still have no idea how Cath keeps up with you. - retorted Danny, bitterly.

\- Woah, there, man! Did you just say you broke up? Why? I thought you were… that she… I… sorry, Danno. I don’t know what to say…

\- You don’t have to say anything, Steven. I… I realized I couldn’t keep it going if I wasn’t sure how to say “I love you”... - 

He, then, looked up and saw a strange look in Steve face. It wasn’t any of the looks he had already seen before. It was a mix of sadness, and pity, and something else that Danny couldn’t quite pinpoint, but something that had him edgy and a bit angry. He didn’t want Steve’s pity. He didn’t want Steve to feel sorry for him, for losing Gabby. He didn’t want Steve to worry about him as if he was the “will-die-old-and-alone” friend no one ever invites to the weddings.

He wanted Steve to look at him, right now, and be happy. Happy that Danny was finally single again. Happy that Danny was in love with him and had finally realized. Happy that they could have a future together.

But they couldn’t. And this wasn’t a happy moment. Not for Danny, anyway, and he couldn’t stand it anymore, being there, with Steve making his way to the sofa, sitting down beside him and throwing an arm over his shoulders. He couldn't deal with Steve telling him how sorry he was about this, and how amazing he was, and how he would find someone else soon.

“I don’t freaking want to find someone else, Steve! I. Want. You!”, Danny felt like shouting.

When he realized the tears were coming, he knew he had to do something, he had to escape from this, and so, he stood up and, unable to look Steve in the eye, said, - Thanks for your words, man, but, right now, I’d prefer to be alone. Do you mind if I don’t go to work today? I don’t think I could concentrate much.

\- Sure, Danno. Of course. Don’t even think about it. - said Steve, understanding that Danny didn’t want to talk about it, and going to the door.

\- Just, call me if you need me or if something big comes up.

\- Yes. Yes, I’ll do. - opening the door, Steve added, - And if you need something, anything, Danno… you call me, okay? You could come and have dinner with me and Cath, if you feel like it? - an unusual tone of uncertainty in his voice.

\- Oh… eh… I’ll call you, don’t worry. Don’t think I’m ready for much human interaction, though. - said Danny putting some of Gabby’s clothes in the boxes, giving his back to Steve. - Thanks for the offer, anyway. 

\- No need to thank me, Danny. We’re ohana. We’ll always be there for each other.

\- Yes. Yes. That, we are. Thank you, Steven. I mean it.

\- I know. I know you. - and then, he stepped outside and shut the door.

The words had frozen Danny in place. “I know you”. Again, Steve saying that. To him. The same words that had been the spark that lit the fire that was burning him inside and turning his life upside down.

“I know you”, Steve had said. And Danny knew he was absolutely and irrevocably doomed. 

There was nothing more left for him to do than cry, like a child that feels lost.  
And so, he did.


	4. Take me back to the start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After 2 days staying away from the team, Danny has to find his way back to work. There, he will find out about  
> Cath leaving the Navy to work for her ex, and about Steve “not having a single problem about it”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so… hmmm… Hi, again! It’s been quite a while (understatement of the century) but I’ve just had one of the most awful writer’s blocks ever. I don’t know if it will be over this time, but I’m trying so… any feedback would be extremely appreciated. Thanks for sticking with me! I hope I’ll give you the last chapter of this really soon! (^3^)
> 
> P.S: Remember that this is unbetaed so... I'm really sorry for any mistakes.

**************************************************

Danny grunted as he sat on the bed. 

It was past six in the morning and the first signs of a new day had already entered the room through the window.  
He had spent almost all the time there since Steve had left his home, two days ago. He hadn’t had the mind or the mettle to even try and do something more than stay in his bed, staring at the ceiling and mourning his loss, not just about Gabby and the easiness of their relationship, but especially what it meant to wear his heart on his sleeve when it came to Steve, and the inevitable crush of his world when Steve realized Danny’s true feelings.

Making a great effort he tried to stretch but everything hurt.  
His back hurt. His head hurt. His heart hurt.

He sighed. It was time to get up, take a shower and face the world, face the team and Steve.  
He wasn’t sure how he would do it but he knew he had to.

With that thought in mind he stood up and shuffled his feet on the ground, on his way to the shower.  
Once he was there, he let the hot water take away some of the tension from his shoulders and the dried trails of tears from his face.  
He knew it was going to be hard but, sooner or later, he would have to face the truth and get used to not having what he really wanted.

 

*************** H50 ****************

Walking through the glass doors, he saw no sign of Chin or Steve, so he decided to go to his office and catch up with some of his paperwork.

He hadn’t been there for more than 30 minutes when his door opened and raising his head he saw Steve there, trying to smile but failing, giving him and awkward grin. He looked a bit uncomfortable and Danny wondered if it was for him or for some other reason.

\- Hey - said the Navy SEAL.  
\- Hi.  
\- Glad to see you’re back. How are you doing?  
\- Good. I’m fine. Considering…  
\- Yeah… Yes. Of course. 

An uncomfortable silence fell upon them, and Danny twitched in his chair.

\- Well, just wanted to make sure you were ready to come back, man.  
\- Yes. I am. I’m fine, Steve. Don’t worry.  
\- Okay - said Steve, fidgeting in the spot - I’ll let you know if something comes up.

He was already turning around to leave when Danny cleared his throat and said.

\- Thanks, Steven.  
\- No problem, Danno. That’s what friends are for. - And he was gone.

“Yeah, of course. Friends… what else could it be?”, thought Danny.  
He sighed and shacked his head. 

If he wanted to keep being friends with Steve and having this job he had to stop acting like a teenager pining for the football team quarterback. Oh, the irony…

 

*************** H50 ****************

It was almost lunch time when he heard Steve talking to someone next to the surface table.  
He couldn’t pick who it was but it was a male stranger. 

When he walked through his door he saw a tall, handsome man, but he looked tense and somehow, smaller in front of Steve.  
His partner was a bit tense, too, but in an odd way. He nodded, shaked the man’s hand and watched him out the door.

When Steve was back, Danny was already waiting, perched on the surface table.

\- Who’s that?

\- Who’s “who”? - asked Steve back. He didn’t look Danny’s way, busy checking some probably-not-that-important information on the surface table.

\- You know who. The guy that was here with you. The one that has just left - answered Danny, not taking any of his friend’s evasive behaviour.

\- Oh, you mean, Billy? - Said Steve with a shrug and a black face on - He’s just an old mate. We served together at some point - Steve hesitated before adding - And I guess he will be Cath’s new boss soon.

\- Wait. What? How is this guy going to be Cath’s boss? Did they moved her to a new operation or something? - Asked Danny, confused.

\- No. Not exactly - said Steve trying to sound neutral - It looks like Cath is about to leave the Navy and Billy has offered her a job at his private company.

\- Oh. I see…

\- What? What is it? - Asked Steve turning to face Danny. 

\- Nothing. Just… - Danny hesitated, turning his body and leaning in like he was interested on what the surface table was projecting - Cath is an awesome woman. She’s intelligent, funny and beautiful. Many men would kill to get the chance of spending their days, or nights for that matter, with her.

\- So?

\- Well… are you comfortable with Cath working so many hours with that guy? He’s a very good looking man.

\- What? Why should I be uncomfortable? It’s not my decision to make. It… It doesn’t change a thing. I don’t understand where are you getting to, Danno. - Said Steve, frowning and grabbing a file to distract himself.

Danny sighed.

\- Look, I’m sorry if I said something you don’t want to think about. I… When two good looking, intelligent, and nice people spend so much time together, especially in difficult or dangerous situations, they are more likely to be drawn to each other, and the more they are drawn to each other, the easier for them to have “a moment” - said Danny punctuating the words with a “quoting” gesture - I’m not saying that Cath would easily be unfaithful, I’m just saying that this exciting new job and Mr. Captain America can be an important temptation. - He finished his statement showing his palms to Steve in a sign of surrender.

\- Are you saying that two partners who spend a lot of time together, sharing dangerous experiences, are more likely to “have a moment”? - Asked Steve imitating Danny’s gesture.

\- If they are good looking, have chemistry and have the chance? At some point, yes. That’s what will happen - answered Danny honestly.

\- Then I guess we’ve already had a bunch of those “moments”. Haven’t we, Danno? - Asked Steve, and this time he was much closer than Danny had expected. He must have moved while Danny was speaking and he was now perched against the surface table, his right arm brushing Danny’s left almost from shoulder to hand.

In the exact moment Danny got to process that move and the physical reactions such proximity was causing him, the meaning of Steve’s question hit him like a ton of bricks.

\- Wh.. What? - He was panicking, frozen and terrified, like a deer caught in the headlights. Did Steve know about his feelings? Was it so obvious? Had he figured out everything after his last visit? What was he supposed to say now?

\- Well - clarified Steve, clearing his throat and looking anywhere but at Danny - you said two good looking and intelligent people who work in dangerous situations, spend a lot of time together and share everything like we both do, they are more likely to have “a moment”, as you put it. And I was wondering… does that mean that we’ve had our “moment”? - Finished Steve looking Danny in the eyes.

For a second, Danny couldn’t react, and then the words started pour out of his mouth - No. No. I… I think that you missed… I missed an important part there and it’s that the chemistry has to be… you know… sexual chemistry, that kind of chemistry that involves “eye sex” and “heart eyes” and…

\- And? - Asked Steve. He was turning his body to Danny and slowly leaning into his personal space. Danny was starting to panic, a mix of feelings inside his gut: fear of having his feelings exposed and ridiculed, anxiety for Steve reaction, and a faint warmth spreading through his chest that felt a lot like hope.

And the moment Danny realized he was running out of time to give an answer, whatever that answer was, was the one that Chin took to burst through the doors of the office.

\- Guys, we have a case.

 

*************** H50 ****************

The ride to the scene in the camaro was tense and silent.

Danny’s head was filled with questions. Why had Steve asked him about them? Did he know about his feelings? And was he leaning to… kiss him?

“No. No. No. You idiot. Stop imagining things. Steve would never feel the same for you. He loves Cath. Stop. Stop this non sense” thought the blonde while wishing that somehow he could be struck by lightning and put and end to his pain.

But nothing happened and Danny was freaking out so much he couldn’t even think of what to say. 

Then Steve fidgeting in his seat and, clearing his throat, said, - Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be… to… to make you uncomfortable earlier. We should forget about it.

Danny was staring at Steve with his mouth opened, his mind as blank as his face for the first time since that awkward moment at the office.

\- No. I… don’t worry, man. I may have crossed the line. I mean, I’m sure you and Cath are good and she working with that Billy will be ok. Sorry if I intruded - finished Danny, turning to look through his window.

\- It’s fine, Danno. Let’s just concentrate on what we have at hand. - answered Steve pulling into the crime scene.

 

*************** H50 ****************

The next two days found the team working all over the island, with no time to take a break or even have a good 4 or 5 hours rest. That would usually make Danny be cranky and in a bad mood but this time, having his mind off of everything but the case was pretty much a blessing.

Not that he wasn’t thinking about the mess he was in. That’d be quite a challenge. But having something else to focus on made spending with Steve almost every hour of the day much more bearable.

Though as his luck was like this, on the third day, Chin found a financial inconsistency in the main suspect’s father’s accounts that lead to the chasing and arrest of said father and the uncle of the man, what meant that they had closed the case.

They were discussing the last strands of the successful operation to give the evidence to Luke and let the HPD wrap everything up when Steve said, - Guys, I… I gotta go home. There’s something important that I need to do. Let’s take a good rest today and we’ll talk tomorrow. - Leaving the HQ with no further explanation.

Chin and Kono, turned to look from the door to Danny and from Danny to the door.

\- What? - asked the blond.  
\- Do you know what’s going on? Boss is never that… troubled. - said Kono.  
\- Troubled? I haven’t seen him troubled. Just… you know, he’s a menace. I don’t think he’s acting any different. But, what should I know? - And with that, he turned and left for his office, leaving their partners even more confused.

Once there, he sat with a sigh and rubbed at his tired eyes, knowing that Kono was right and something was off with Steve. He just wasn’t sure what. 

*************** H50 ****************

After finishing some paperwork, Danny found himself taking the camaro and heading home. 

He needed to relax. Maybe take a shower, watch some game on the tv, drink a couple of beers, and just find something to ease his mind somehow. 

The last couple of weeks had been full of wonderful and painful revelations, nerves, confusion, heartbreak. He needed a break. Including a break from thinking about Steve all the time, about his feelings for his partner, about his fear of rejection, and, what was even worse, his fear of acceptance.

Getting home, taking a quick shower, putting on some t-shirt and sweatpants and wandering to the living room, Danny sat on the sofa and couldn’t help but go over that last fear in his mind. Because if he was honest with himself, he was almost as afraid of rejection as of being accepted and loved back.

What would that mean for the team? And for Grace? What would it mean for Steve? And for himself?  
Falling in love with your boss, your partner, your best friend, your daughter’s favourite “uncle”, it was quite a way to complicate things. Not only because he hadn’t imagine for a single second that that would be possible when he first landed in Hawaii, but because he had no idea if he was truly ready for something like this, something this strong, this deep.

Because if Danny was sure about a single thing, in the middle of this mess, it was that he had never felt like this before and he would probably never feel this way again.  
This was his luck. He had to find the love of his life in the most unexpected person, and he had no idea what to do with that.

Exhausted and confused, Danny drifted to sleep, curling on the sofa and wishing to have at least one good answer to his troubles.


	5. Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cath comes to the HQ to say goodbye and Danny needs to finally get some answers from Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank all of you who were so supportive through the most awful writer’s block I’ve ever experienced and who kept cheering me and asking for me not to give up on this fic. I’m really sorry if I didn’t do justice to your expectations. I hope you enjoy this anyway.
> 
> I must warn you that this whole fic is unbetaed and that this last chapter has been written in one go and I’m posting it as it is (without any editing) because I needed to put it out there already. So, if you find any mistakes, please, let me know, and have in mind that all I wanted was for Danny and Steve to end up happy. Hope I didn’t rush into things too much.
> 
> Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
> 
> P.S: Also... If I ever find the courage to try to write some smut, you can bet that this fic will have a "part 2".

************************************************************

The next day, when Danny opened the door to the HQ, he was shocked to see Cath there, sharing what looked like an emotional hug with Kono. As he, slowly, made his way to the surface table, Kono saw him and took a step back whispering something to Cath and giving her a reassuring pat on the arm. Then, Kono left, leaving Cath and Danny looking everywhere but at each other.

After a moment, Danny couldn’t help but break the silence and say, - Hey… You okay?

\- Yeah. Yeah. I’m… I’m fine. - said Cath turning to smile at him, even though the sentiment didn’t reach her eyes. - I was just saying goodbye.  
\- Goodbye? Why would you…?

Cath sighed and took several steps towards Danny, stopping just a foot away from him. She looked from the ground to his eyes and he could see that she had been crying. Not knowing what to do, Danny just stood there and waited.

\- Danny… I’m leaving Hawaii.   
\- Wha..?  
\- No, wait. Let me… Billy, who you already know about, I’m sure, is planning on taking the business to L.A. Where he has contacts and a lot of work waiting. - The brunette shifted from foot to foot - He’s asked me to go with him, and I’ve accepted.  
\- But… but you can’t leave! Cath! What about Steve? - asked Danny, his heart beating so fast he thought he was gonna throw it up.

Cath shook her head, with a sad smile on her face, and when she looked into Danny’s eyes again, he could see the tears already there.

\- Are you seriously asking me that, Danny?  
\- What… what do you mean? - Asked Danny, uncertainty making his voice crack at the last word.  
\- Oh, Danno… You know exactly what I mean, but if you still need to play fool, I’ll give you the answer. - She sighed - Steve doesn’t need me anymore. Hasn’t needed me for a while. - Raising a hand to stop Danny’s attempt to speak, she continued - In fact, me leaving with Billy was his idea.  
\- What? That can’t… it’s not…  
\- Really? - And the sad smile was there again - Steve saw us on Billy’s car, when he was dropping the bomb on me about leaving for L.A. - She moved closer to Danny, perching her body tiredly on the surface table - Honestly, I don’t know what I felt. It was kind of a mix, a mix of betrayal and disappointment, because how was I supposed to follow him there? I’ve just left the Navy and the world that has seen me grow for the past decade, and then he tells me that he is leaving. No need to say that I was pretty mad at him. I told him that he couldn’t do that to me, that he had made a promise. That’s when he offered me to go with him.  
\- And you just said yes?

Cath huffed a tired laugh.  
\- No. Of course, not. In fact, I was so shocked about it all that I just said good night and left him there. - Taking a deep breath she added - But, Steve had seen everything and was waiting for me inside, ready to ask what was wrong and to say a lot of things that… that we may had said long ago.

Danny took a step closer, reaching out to take a tear away from her cheek. Cath smiled at it and continued.  
\- Danny, Steve and I are not together anymore. I’m not even sure why we kept on going with our relationship. We’ve been friends for so long that it felt easy to fell into something else, even though it wasn’t love, or at least what any of us would mean when we think about what we truly want.

To say that Danny was absolutely shocked would be an understatement.   
But there was Cath, with tears in her eyes, telling him that Steve and her were no longer together, that she was leaving, and if he didn’t know that the only person who knew about his feelings for Steve was Gaby, he would have thought that Cath was making points on his delusional crush on his partner.

They stood there, saying nothing, for what felt like a lifetime, then Cath cleared her throat, pushed herself away from the table and, one could almost say that, took a stance. She looked him in the eye and softly said,   
\- Take care, Danny. I’ll keep in touch and let you all know how things go in LA. - She smiled a bit more cheerly and added - I’m glad I met you. - And taking a step forward, she hugged him tightly - You are one of a kind, Danny Williams. I hope you have everything you deserve and even better.   
\- You too, Cath - said Danny with a tight voice before letting her go - And yes, you keep in touch, or I’ll have to go to the mainland and track you down - finished the blond with a smile and teary eyes. No matter what he felt for Steve. Cath was a nice woman and a great colleague. He would miss her around.  
\- Yes, well, I will. Don’t want to make you all worry.

Turning to walk out of the office, Cath added something.

\- Danny, just one more thing, and I hope that you take my advice on this cause I should have done something about it, long ago. Don’t waste any more time. Life is wonderful, time is precious and the world doesn’t wait for anybody - she took a deep breath and continued - If you want something, just go out there and make sure it’s yours before someone else gets it. Okay?

Still shocked and brutally confused, Danny could only nod and let out a soft “okay” in return.

Nodding with a small smile on her lips, Cath turned around and disappeared down the corridor, leaving Danny to slump on the side of the surface table and sigh.

*************** H50 ****************

When lunch time arrives and they still haven’t heard a single word from Steve, and he hasn’t picked up his phone any of the times Kono, Chin or Danny have called him, he decides it’s time to ‘face the music’ and go over to Steve’s to find out what is going on.

As he pulls up the driveway, he sees Steve’s Silverado parked outside the garage which means, at least, he must be home.  
Heading for the door Danny takes a deep breath. ‘It’s a bit late to chicken out now, Williams’, he thinks to himself and goes inside with the spare key Steve gave him ages ago.

\- Steve? You home? - asks Danny as he enters and crosses the living room to reach the doors that go to the lanai. They’re wide open and he can see a towel over Steve’s usual chair, by the water, which probably means that he is out, swimming.

Danny heads inside and goes to pick two longboards from the freezer, and then goes out and sits in what has come to be ‘his’ chair.

Right when he’s drunk half of his beer, he spots Steve swimming back to the house, perfectly in sync movements, fast and gracious. 

‘No way to back out of this now. Come on. I can do this. I just want to know if he’s okay’, Danny tells himself while taking deep breaths and gulping some more beer through the knot on his throat.

When Steve walks out of the water and spots Danny sitting with a beer in hand, he half stops, frowning, and approaches him.

\- Danno… What are you doing here? Everything’s fine?  
\- Shouldn’t it be me asking you that?

The question seems to take Steve a bit out of guard as he looks confused for a second, while picking up the towel and starting to dry his body with it.

\- I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?  
\- Well, I don’t know, babe. Maybe because you left and we haven’t heard a word from you? Or, maybe because Cath came today to say goodbye to the team?   
\- Oh…  
\- Yeah. “Oh”.

An uncomfortable silence sits between them and Danny knows that Steve doesn’t really want to talk about whatever it is that is going on but he will not let this go. He needs to know what’s happened, even if it’s just for the sake of helping Steve with whatever it is that is troubling him, no matter if it’s something that breaks his own heart even more.

\- Are you going to tell me what’s going on?  
\- I… Danno, seriously, nothing’s going on. At least, nothing that should bother you.  
\- Oh! I see. I’m sorry, babe, but you don’t get to decide what bothers me and what doesn’t. And this… - says Danny moving his hand pointing at Steve’s whole body posture and his frown - this bothers me. I want to help you, but I can’t do it if you don’t talk to me.  
\- There’s not much to talk about.  
\- Well, then… Start from the beginning. Why is Cath leaving? And what does that mean to you both?

Steve takes a step forward and sits on his chair letting out a sigh, defeated. He looks straight at the ocean, as if he can find his answers there.

\- Look, Danno… Cath and I… What happened has been a long time coming. We’ve been friends for many years and we love each other dearly, but… not in that way, d’you know? - Steve turn to look Danny in the eye - Not the way you are supposed to love someone, to truly love the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. We, we’ve had a great time together but… it just wasn’t enough.

\- And, you realized that… when?

Steve took a deep breath and straightened in his seat.   
\- A long time ago, I guess. We… I, just didn’t have any good reasons to let go of it.

\- And you do, now? - asked Danny trying to find Steve’s eyes that were now staring at the sand in front of them. - Was it because of Billy?

\- No. Yes. Maybe… - said Steve, sighing frustrated - Look, Danny… When we talked about them, about Billy and Cath, working together, about them sharing a perfect dynamic, about them being sexually attractive and sharing “a moment”… I realized that you were right. They were gonna have that moment at some point, and they would miss it, because of me, because of some stupid reason about loyalty they would both share on me, and I couldn’t let that happen. I… I know how much it hurts when you love someone you think you can’t have. I couldn’t take being their reason to refuse to be happy together. So, I let her go. Finally.

Danny was in shock. His heart hurt thinking about Steve loving someone so much to let them go.

\- What about you?  
\- What about me?  
\- Yeah… It’s very nice and kind of you to think about their happiness but… what about yours? What about what you feel?  
\- Well… Making Cath miserable by staying wouldn’t help with my own happiness, don’t you think?  
\- I know, I know, but… Who’s gonna make you happy, now?

Steve leaned forward into Danny’s personal space and said:  
\- Do you really think that Cath was the one to make me happy?

Looking Danny in the eye, and taking his breath away, Steve waited for an answer.

\- I… I thought she did, babe. I thought she was the one for you.

Steve’s lips curled into a tight smile.

\- No, Danno. I’ve found my one. But only a few days ago I realized that it’s not Cath.  
\- Who is it, then? - Asked Danny looking everywhere but at Steve’s eyes.  
\- The most unexpected person of all, the one to give me sleepless nights, the one I care for above everyone and everything else, the one that makes me feel safe and keeps me grounded…

Danny’s heart was beating so fast he felt a little dizzy, as if he was going to black out at any moment. He was so out of it he didn’t realize Steve was moving until he felt how Steve settled on his knees right in front of him.

\- Danno… I’m putting myself completely out there, here… - continued Steve with a small smile and trembling fingers that reached to Danny’s chin. - And if I’ve read this wrong, I hope you can forgive me and never speak of this again…

Steve was now completely in his space, looking him in the eye as if asking the most importan question of all without a single word, and Danny couldn’t speak, couldn’t even breathe, so he just did what his heart told him to and leaned forward, taking Steve’s lips in his, with just a thought in his mind…

“Let this be real… Let this be real… Let this be real…”

Just a second later, as if Danny’s silent chant had reached his ears, Steve moaned into the kiss and started kissing him back with all he had, to which Danny couldn’t help but laugh, breaking apart from Steve in between small kisses until he had to stop to keep breathing.

\- You are laughing.  
\- Yeah, I am, babe.  
\- Why are you laughing? - Asked Steve with a small frown and a confused face.  
\- Because… God! Because I’ve wanted to do this for so long and I thought I’d never have it. And now you are here and you… you kissed me back, and you said I’m… - he looked into Steve’s eyes - Gosh, babe… You said I am your one, didn’t you?

As if the red rising to Steve’s cheeks wasn’t enough to tell, his friend looked him in the eye and whispered a soft “yeah, you are”.

\- And you knew… when? - asked Danny curious.  
\- If I was a cheesy kind of guy, I’d say I knew all along, from the very first moment we met at my Dad’s garage, even if I was in a very bad place then, and even if that would mean that I had denied myself this happiness for so long, but - continued Steve standing and helping Danny to his feet - I will say that I have no idea when it happened exactly. I just know that one day, I looked at you and knew I couldn’t spend a single day of my life without you in it. I didn’t want to. I guess that’s when I knew. 

Stepping into Danny’s space and placing his hands on Danny’s hips, Steve said, - And when you talked about Cath and Billy having “a moment”, all of our moments just… they came back to my mind and… it was like a flood… I just couldn’t hold them back anymore. That’s when I decided that I needed to do something about it, and it all started by talking to Catherine first.

Danny was looking into Steve’s eyes, breathless, with his hands trailing Steve’s arms slowly in a soft caress.

\- I love you. - He blurted out, shocked by his own words, to which Steve chuckled knowing he hadn’t meant to say it so soon.

\- Gosh! I… I didn’t mean to… I shouldn’t… You already know but… - Danny was, then, trying to take a step back out of Steve’s embrace, feeling the blush in his face.  
\- Hey, hey, Danno… - whispered Steve holding him tightly and searching for his eyes. When they found him, he continued. - For if all that I said wasn’t enough, I’ll say it again… You are the one for me. You’ve always been even when I couldn’t see it. And I love you, too. And I hope to spend the rest of my life with you… if you want me to.

And Danny could see in his eyes that Steve was now the one feeling vulnerable, the one putting himself out there again, asking for a future, together, to which Danny answered by taking his face in his hands and kissing him again, hot and sweet and full of promise, and whispering into Steve’s mouth, - Yes. Yes. Always. I want you. I love you. Forever. Forever.

His heart jumped with joy as he felt Steve’s smile against his lips.

 

*************** FIN ****************


End file.
